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The Meta vs. Hank J Wimbleton
Intro Boomstick: Hunters. Mercenaries. Predators. Tracking and Killing anyone or anything standing between them and victory. Wiz: Hank J Wimbleton. The tough-to-kill Mercenary. Boomstick: And The Meta, Project Freeelancer's worst nightmare. Wiz: I'm Wiz and He's boomstick. And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. Hank Boomstick: Somewhere in Nevada, there was talk of some badass mercenary who slaughtered hundreds of men with ease. His goal? Nobody fucking knows. Wiz: Hank J. Wimbleton was his name, and somewhere in his seemingly mindless spree of killing there sprouted a much larger evil with a stranglehold over the entire state of Nevada. It's name was.... the Agency against Hank Wimbleton, And it's goal... Is very self explanatory. Boomstick: Buuut... instead of fleeing the state, he made it his mission to essentially take it down singlehandedly. So, that's exactly what he did. Over the course of his adventures, he took down hundreds upon hundreds of men without so much as breaking a sweat. And along the way, the dude's also collected a massive stockpile of weaponry that would make FPSRussia proud. Wiz: In fact, the amount of weapons he's collected is so huge that we can't fit it all here, so we're going to look at what he used most. Boomstick: First things first, We have a pair of Micro uzis which he wields with masterful dexterity. Speaking of duel wielding, he also has a P90, which he has once wielded WITH ONE HAND WHILE SWINGING AROUND AN AXE. ''' Wiz: And that was no ordinary axe. It was a weapon dubbed the "Mega Hammer" '''Boomstick: Which is the lovechild of an Axe, plus a Guandao, plus a Mace! Shut up and take my money! Boomstick: However, by far the most destructive melee weapon in his arsenal is a mag-sized chainsaw. This thing was intended for mag troopers more than twice his size, but he wields it like any other chainsaw and it slaughters mag troopers just as easily. Wiz:... He also has an M16 assault rifle with an attached grenade launcher. Boomstick: Perfect for taking out groups of retards that dare stand in his way. Wiz: And finally, a Mossberg 500 Shotgun that even enlarged mag agents can't take. Boomstick: With all those guns and knives and such, he also has some very impressive feats. ' Wiz: He has dodged gun and even cannon fire at point-blank range, was alive and kicking after being shot in the face multiple times, or even impaled with a street sign. '''Boomstick: There's also that one time, while fighting a reality bending, street sign-wielding clown-demon-zombie and having part of his head blown off, he was somehow still alive and slaughtering people as if nothing ever happened! ' Wiz: His great resistance to pain is thanks to his strength. He's also been shown to be strong enough to straighten a crooked metal pipe in less than a second and rip large chunks of his enemies's flesh or even their heads off like a wet paper towel, and he has also been shown to have killed 6 zombie agents in less than a second while doing a backflip. 'Boomstick: And remember the clown? After the thing died, it turned into a giant-flaming-clown-demon that breathes fire! It knocked him through not one, but 2 concrete walls, yet he still kept going. ' Wiz: However, as badass as he is, he isn't perfect. '''Boomstick: Not surprising, considering he's died NINE TIMES throughout his murderous adventures. Wiz: In the early days, it was because he failed to realize that a psychopathic Jesus wannabe was behind him while he was going to shoot someone. Boomstick: Buuuut more recently, it was because of him fighting opponents that were not only much stronger than him, but them also being absolutely insane and unpredictable. ''' Wiz: And, don't mistake his insane resistance to pain as insane resistance to damage. He wears little to no armor, making him very vulnerable to even small arms fire. In fact, it can be argued that if he wore even a little bit or armor, many of his deaths could have been avoided. '''Boomstick: Still, the last thing you want is to be staring down the barrel of this guy's gun. The Meta Boomstick: Project Freelancer: A military research program experimenting with A.I. to enhance their soldiers. Trust me, their guys were pretty good and mostly got their job done. Unfortunately for them, everything went to shit when one of their own guys fucked them over. Wiz: That guy was Agent Maine. A hulking brute of a man. His strength was matched by few and he essentially let his fists speak for him. However, when he was paired with an AI, he was driven insane by it. Boomstick: How insane, wiz? Wiz: He started hunting down and killing his friends. Boomstick: What? How? Why? Who? When? Where? Wiz: Well, see, the AI he was paired with was not complete, in fact, none of them assigned were complete, just fragments of one alpha. The Alpha was mentally tortured to "reverse engineer a split-personality disorder," these split personalities were harvested, then assigned to different freelancers. Sigma, Maine's AI companion, was the Alpha's creativity, ambition, and manipulation. Desperate to gain more power, Sigma manipulated Maine into a hunter, seeking down any AI or equipment he could find and in turn, become near unstoppable. Boomstick: To kick some Freelancer ass, his go-to weapon is the Brute shot. Essentially, the offspring of a knife and a rifle. so... I guess I'll call it the Knifle! The Knifle holds six uber-powerful grenades, with 12 in stock. And If that isn't enough, he also carries a magnum pistol should he need to finish his poor foes off. Wiz: He also has acquired many AI and armour enhancements along his rampage, the most notable of which is his Domed energy shield, which will block just about anything anyone throws at him. He has also picked up invisibility, Strength enhancements, a very durable overshield and... Boomstick: FUCKING TIME CONTROL!! Wiz: Yes, With the temporal distortion unit, the Meta can freeze time. He can use this to dodge bullets, move to a new location or... Boomstick: Just straight up beat the shit out of them! I'd use it for... Wiz: Boomstick! Please stop cutting into my dialogue! Boomstick: Fine Boomstick: Anyways, the Meta was stupidly strong even before he became the Meta, Maine has tanked a sniper round to the chest, 9 bullets to the neck, then thrown off a warthog, hit by a truck, then thrown off a bridge!! IN ONE MISSION! There was also that one time some asshole decided to run him over only for him to stop the speeding car and kick-flip the son of a bitch right back at the poor motherfuckers that tried it! Wiz: However, the Meta is not without flaw, all the equipment and AI he has run on his suit's energy. Including his Overshield, which can be attributed to his ridiculous durability. Boomstick: Yeah, his suit's energy has been shown time and time again to run from full to more empty than my beer mug in the span of a short fight. The temporal distortion unit especially is extremely power-consuming and he needs an entire power plant's worth of energy to charge that shit. Wiz: Also, being manipulated by and hearing the constant voices of several AI doesn't make him exactly the clearest thinker. In fact, he never was, even as Maine, he relied solely on his brute strength to win an engagement. Boomstick: Still, If you have an AI, Power-ups, and hear explosions and/or growling nearby, run. Fight!!! Somewhere in Nevada.... The Meta stood at the door outside a large concrete compound. He growled lightly when one of his AI ,sigma, appeared in front of him. Sigma: In that compound lies the portable Improbability Drive. A machine capable of bending reality itself. Take it, and we shall become nigh unstoppable. Multiple other of the Meta's captured AIs also came up in front of him. Delta: If I may, brother, there is one heat signature inside, I suggest we use caution Theta: Well, we've had a lot worse. This shouldn't be much different, right? Delta: What I consider strange, is that I had detected at least 20 just moments ago. Theta: So... you mean... Omega: Yeah, that one guy in there killed everyone. Sigma: ....Proceed with caution, this lone combatant may prove more of a threat than anything we have previously faced. The Meta simply snarled, and crashed into the door, shattering it instantly, he landed inside the facility and assumed a fighting stance, raising the brute shot. Sure enough, a man in a bandana and red glasses greeted them at the door, Hank J wimbleton. Sigma: Please sir, hand over the improbability drive and you will not be harmed FUCK OFF NO WAY IN HELL AM I DEALING WITH THAT SHIT AGAIN!! Maine and Sigma looked at each other for a brief moment. Sigma: Well, you know what to do. Hank raised his micro-uzis and prepared for a fight. FIGHT! Murka-Gopnik McBlyat (0:23) Hank fired at the giant hulk of a man while Maine charged him at full speed with his brute shot raised. The Micro-uzi's bullets seemed to deflect right off of the Freelancer's armor. The meta swung the large blade of the brute shot at Hank, who jumped over Maine, continuing to fire his uzis at him until there was no ammo left. The Meta then began to fire at the masked assassin before him. Hank reloaded his SMGs and continued firing while strafing around the Meta. Every round coming out of the grenade launcher's barrel exploding behind him. Delta: Subject seems to be very agile. I suggest we take a different approach to this fight. Theta: Like what? Nothing's hitting him. The meta answered with a snarl as he grabbed the strafing merc and attacked with a powerful punch to the face. Hank fell backwards a few feet and fired at Maine, until the uzis ran out of ammo...again. Hank threw the uzis at Maine, who brushed them aside, preparing for a fistfight. Mental Meta Metal- Second movement. Hank charged at the Brute, delivering several punches to the helmet to no effect, as meta grabbed him by the chest and smashed him into the floor, finally, kicking him away while drawing an empty brute shot. Hank pulled out the Mega Hammer and charged again. The hammer met with the brute shot, causing sparks to fly everywhere. The weapons clashed again and again as Hank swung the massive weapon at the brute repeatedly only for it to be blocked by the giant freelancer's blade. Finally, Hank swung at the giant man's torso and hit it hard, The freelancer's armour glowed with a yellow aura as the hammer was deflected off of it, out of hank's hand, landing a few metres away. The meta threw hank into the air while smacking him into a nearby wall with the blunt end of the Brute shot. Theta: We got him! Gamma: I-i'm pre-etty sure he is sti-i-ill ali-ive. Delta: We also still do not know the size of his arsenal. He could be pulling another gun out as we spea- He was cut off by m16 fire coming from the wall. A few rounds hit the Meta's armour, causing it to glow. Hank the fired a grenade out of the grenade launcher. Exploding upon contact with the armoured brute. Ice fight- Jeff Williams The smoke cleared, to reveal a spherical, translucent barrier that protected the meta from any injury that would have been sustained from the blast. It faded, as the meta reloaded the brute shot firing at the quick mercenary again. Hank also quickly reloaded the M16, and raised it, firing at the giant man before him. Bullets and grenades collided, Explosions littering the space between the two combatants. The smoke cleared, Hank stopped firing, the Meta was gone. -music stop Something about this... was very off... Ouch-Jeff Williams Suddenly, Hank felt a huge blow to the back of the head, sending him flying in the air, he looked around, he saw nothing, but heard...footsteps? A shimmering silhouette of his adversary was before him, and he fired his M16, he tried to shoot another grenade, but it was easily sliced in half by Maine. Hank then pulled out his p90 SMG and fired at where he presumed the head would be. The bullets did reveal the Meta's location, the yellow outline of his armour forcing him to decloak. Delta: Armour power running low. I suggest we take a more defensive approach. Omega: Shut up, we need to finish this, right here, right now. Gamma: I Ag-ree with Del-ta-, we-e migh-ht not ha-a-a-ave enou-ugh power to cont-tinue fighting. Omega: Quiet, who's in charge here? Sigma: I am. I agree with Omega. Activating the temporal distortion unit now would grant us one vital hit that could decide the outcome of this fight. Delta: Sigma, the more analysis I do, the more this seems like a bad idea. If this hit does not kill, the overshields will go down, leaving us extremely vulnerable to atta- Sigma: Activating temporal distortion unit. Time froze, Hank walked up to the masked mercenary, stabbing the brute shot's large blade into his abdomen and throwing it. Time flowed again, Hank felt a sharp pain in his stomach... it's like there was a massive blade lodged in him somewhere.... oh wait, there was. The Meta started walking towards the drive. Madness 10 OST- Sean Hodges Hank pulled the large grenade launcher out of himself and checked the ammo count. One in the chamber Make it count He fired the Freelancer's own weapon at the Meta. The Yellow aura surrounding his suit flashing, then fading upon impact. Sigma: What? Meta charged at Hank as fast as he could. Hank pulled out the mossberg 500 shotgun and fired many times into the armoured brute's abdomen. The meta flinched with each shot before finally reaching Hank and ripping the shotgun out of his grip. Bullet holes from the buckshot littered the Brute's torso. He took the shotgun and attempted firing at Hank with hit. Two shots were fired from the shotgun, both being dodged with relative ease. The Meta attempted to fire again, to find that it was out of ammo. Meanwhile, on Hank's side, he pulled out a mag chainsaw and walked towards the Meta. The walk sped up to a sprint as Maine grabbed the nearby Brute shot. The chainsaw met with the Brute shot again and sparks flew around wildly. Meta swung the Brute shot again and was parried by the massive chainsaw. Hank the turned his grip on the chainsaw. The blade cut Meta's hand, he roared in pain and lost his grip on the Brute shot. Hank then Swung it downwards on the hulking monster's helmet, Nothing happened at first, but then the glass shattered. Hank thrust the chainsaw into the crack, as blood stained the blade and gushed out of the crack in his helmet. There was one final roar that erupted from the Meta before the chainsaw's blade cut a way through the other side of the meta's helmet. Before Hank pulled the blade out and separated both The Meta's helmet and his head from the rest of his body and armour. K.O!!!! Post-Fight Hank takes The Meta's armour, armour enhancements, AI, and brute shot, then proceeds further into the compound, taking the PID with him. Boomstick: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS BRUTAL!!!! DAYUM!!! Wiz: The Meta was far stronger and more durable than Hank, but Hank had far more firepower than the Meta, in addition to him being much faster. Boomstick: While the Brute Shot was extremely powerful, Hank dodges point-blank gunfire on a daily basis, meaning that he'd be near-impossible to hit. Plus, dude's dealt with mag agents almost four times his size and has taken hits from opponents stronger than even the Meta. Plus, he is more than capable of at least defending himself in hand-to-hand if it ever came to that due to his strong melee arsenal and being quite well trained in melee combat. ''' Wiz: What's more, Hank had the advantage in smarts, while the creators described him as "Mentally retarded," he has shown to be able to use the environment to his advantage and be capable of finding and operating any weapon he comes across. While the meta's mind is extremely unstable, usually relying on his AI to think for him, his mind became cluttered with voices and as a result, he was not able to think straight. His main method of attack was just "I have a plan: attack" not very capable of strategy or working around his own weaknesses. '''Boomstick: Also, with the meta's insane amount of armour enhancements, using them consumes a lot of his energy. While the temporal distortion might have been enough to hit Hank a couple times, using it for even short periods of time would drain his suits energy almost immediately. And it's not like they can recharge on their own, as it required an ENTIRE POWER PLANT to recharge his suit. Boomstick: Meta wasn't able to keep a level HEAD during this fight. He never SAW that one coming. Wiz: The winner is: Hank J Wimbleton Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:ThatOneGuyFromNISLTsCommentSection Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:'Gun Fights' Themed Death Battles Category:'Mercenary' themed Death Battle Category:Death Battles with Music Category:Madness Combat Character Battle